My point is, “quality” means different things to different people, as do even seemingly obvious traits like “funny” and “intelligent.” Is his sense of humor dry? I don’t think we can know for sure who we want ahead of time.
It’s not like making a grocery store shopping list, where we can just pick a mate from a shelf full of similar but slightly different mates.
She laughed and said,”your light will sometimes attract parasites, but you don’t have to accept what comes your way.”Frustrated, I decided to write my own “spell” of sorts.
My goal is to remind myself of what I am seeking and what I definitely do not want in future relationships.
Did your last relationship fail because he was a poor communicator? The previous steps have led you to be honest about what you want in a man and what experiences you want in your next relationship. In regards to your weakness, write them as if you were writing in the most intimate corner of your diary. Taking time to note your flaws should help you identify weak areas in your life that you can take time to improve while you are single. (I know you’re probably thinking a girl who likes to eat as much as I do, must cook all the time.) That’s just one of my weaknesses. Remember you want who man who has his life in decent order when he approaches you, so you need to be willing have put in the work on yourself so you’ll be ready when he comes to you.
Now that you’ve compiled this list, go back and go into detail. For instance, if you wrote that you want a guy who is honest, then be specific about the real, observable traits of an honest man.
I remember that even if I wound up with someone who in every external way fit my “criteria,” they would still be their own person with quirks and habits and interests that I couldn’t control. Yet the more I hear about it, the more I’m intrigued, not by cigar-smoking itself (it’s still pretty gross to me), but by the camaraderie and social aspect of it for him.
Another example is my current boyfriend, who I’m in love and extremely happy with. I like that there’s a subculture surrounding cigars that I’m only finding out about in my mid-thirties.
When I heard that, my immediate thought was that I’ve never had a checklist, and even when I’ve set vague goals for the types of people I wanted to date, I’ve found that the universe tends to throw people in my path who are explicitly not the types I’d have said I was looking for, as if it’s testing me. ” True, those are broad enough to be almost universal, but at the same time, good luck to anyone who’s not a celebrity finding a man who possesses all those traits (and isn’t arrogant about it).I also find the language around who’s “good on paper” disturbing at times. I would venture that if he does, maybe he’s a little too perfect.One theme of the , about a couple on a blind date, which I saw at ACT in Seattle, was that the female lead is looking for a “quality guy.” But what does “quality” mean? I don’t mean to be a downer, but nobody’s perfect, and actually, I think perfection is overrated. Is he book smart but socially awkward, or street smart even though he dropped out of high school?Even dating experts like Evan Marc Katz agree that a dating checklist can be too long and therefore, not so helpful.It’s good to know what you’re looking for, but it can cut you off from the power of the unexpected.